Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
