John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
