I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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