your thong is hanging out like whoa
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
