Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
