He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
