went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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