I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the day after is always just damage control
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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