Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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