none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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