what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
