I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
