Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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