remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
