Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
