Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
