I bet he comes in French.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
