so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
