I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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