no, he came in my armpit
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
