Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
