I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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