Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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