Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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