it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
