Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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