I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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