Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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