just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
