my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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