I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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