im having a threesome with these popsicles
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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