sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you still have your period?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
