i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
