I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
