you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
