I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
