now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
