my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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