is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
