Life is so much better after having sex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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