What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize