there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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