we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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