Your face is a jimmy john
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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