I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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