Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
