I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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