You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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