I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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