Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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