I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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