Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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