you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can I color on your dick again?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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