I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
