guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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