The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
