the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jรคger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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