Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
