sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
