woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
