my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
