somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
