I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
