good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
