Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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