you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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