Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize