apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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