She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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