just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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