your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
