One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
