Sponge bath it is.
Where is the hickey?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
