i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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