I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
