You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
