people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
