is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
