I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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