He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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