he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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