I think i peed on brittanys purse
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
