Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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