ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
