just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
