like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
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I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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