Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
