no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
farters have to be the big spoon...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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